MARKET: +14.2% ▲ ALL-TIME HIGH MOM & POP: MOAT AT ATH ($840 Moat Absorbing) SCRAPPY: +38.5% ▲ 42x Unpaid Interns Leveraged SERGEI: +21.0% ▲ 10,000 Bot Workers Deployed BARON: -3.1% ▼ Injunction Overruled by Cayman Court AMAZOFF: -12.8% ▼ Liquidated in Year 4 SEC STATUS: 0 SUBPOENAS FILED (COMPLIANCE WAIVED) CRASH WARNING: T-30s TICK COMMENCING MARKET: +14.2% ▲ ALL-TIME HIGH MOM & POP: MOAT AT ATH ($840 Moat Absorbing) SCRAPPY: +38.5% ▲ 42x Unpaid Interns Leveraged SERGEI: +21.0% ▲ 10,000 Bot Workers Deployed BARON: -3.1% ▼ Injunction Overruled by Cayman Court AMAZOFF: -12.8% ▼ Liquidated in Year 4
ULTRACAPITALISM Logo
A company-building auto-battler
Play in Browser
◀ Boardroom Analytics / vendor.break_room
New in 1.1.0 STATUS: LICENSED MERCHANT
UC
The Break Room
Asset Market 🏷️ 15% OFF 📦 4 Stock Slots ALL FOUNDERS YEAR 1–5

The Break Room

“The lights hum, the fridge is labelled, and something in the microwave has been there since Q2.”
Merchant Identifier: vendor.break_room

Buy break room perks

Commercial Terms & Encounter Mechanics

Statutory Market Invariants

Operating rules governing inventory allocation, pricing modifiers, and encounter routing:

SHELF CAPACITY 4 Offers / Roll
PRICING TERMS 15% Off
ENCOUNTER WEIGHT Weight 85
Stocking Mechanism: Curated Asset Pool (24 Designated Cards)
Restock Rule: Static Shelf (Does not refill upon purchase; requires paid reroll)

Commerce Performance Telemetry

Version Current Filings
VISIT CONVERSION (PICK RATE)
0.0% (0 / 2 offers)

Rate at which executive founders prioritize visiting this merchant when offered.

SALES PER VISIT
0.0 cards / stop

Average volume acquired per founder visit once routed to this vendor.

TOTAL SALES & REVENUE
0 items ($0 spend)

Gross inventory acquired across all runs (0 upgrades purchased).

Authorized Shelf Inventory & Options

All eligible corporate assets rolled on The Break Room's shelves. Sized according to 1-, 2-, and 3-width board footprints.

▫ 19 Small (1-Slot) ▫▫ 4 Medium (2-Slot) ▫▫▫ 1 Large (3-Slot)
Size:
Sort: Pick Rate Win Rate Sales Price Size Name
Filter Tag:
▲ 20
1-SLOT
Office Dog

Office Dog

BASIC
SMALL ANIMAL
6.0
SEC
▸ Fast Track adjacent Employees 1s.
▸ Profit 20.
Keywords
Profit
Restores your Cash, up to your Valuation.
Fast Track
Instantly advances an asset's progress toward acting.
◆ + 6 Funding
Full Dossier →

Office Dog

Common ▫ 1-Slot
$10 Funding List: $12
-15% OFF

Fast Track adjacent Employees 1s. Profit 20.

Pick Rate 75.0% (3/4)
Win Rate 0.0% (0W/0L)
Merchant Volume: 0 acquisitions here
▲ 10
1-SLOT
Alumni Network

Alumni Network

BASIC
SMALL BENEFIT
7.0
SEC
▸ Profit 10.
▸ When you sell an Employee, this permanently gains +10 Profit.
Keywords
Profit
Restores your Cash, up to your Valuation.
◆ + 20 Funding
Full Dossier →

Alumni Network

Common ▫ 1-Slot
$34 Funding List: $40
-15% OFF

Profit 10. When you sell an Employee, this permanently gains +10 Profit.

Pick Rate 66.7% (2/3)
Win Rate 0.0% (0W/0L)
Merchant Volume: 0 acquisitions here
◈ 10
1-SLOT
Comfy Chair

Comfy Chair

BASIC
SMALL PROPERTY BENEFIT
7.0
SEC
▸ Gain 10 Moat.
▸ Whenever this is Slowed, gain 25 Moat.
Keywords
Moat
Absorbs Loss before your Cash is touched. Debt and Scandal go through it.
Slow
The asset works at half speed while Slowed.
◆ + 4 Funding
Full Dossier →

Comfy Chair

Common ▫ 1-Slot
$6 Funding List: $8
-15% OFF

Gain 10 Moat. Whenever this is Slowed, gain 25 Moat.

Pick Rate 41.9% (13/31)
Win Rate 0.0% (0W/2L)
Merchant Volume: 0 acquisitions here
▲ 10
1-SLOT
Office Hamster

Office Hamster

BASIC
SMALL ANIMAL EMPLOYEE
2.0
SEC
▸ Profit 10.
Keywords
Profit
Restores your Cash, up to your Valuation.
◆ + 4 Funding
Full Dossier →

Office Hamster

Common ▫ 1-Slot
$6 Funding List: $8
-15% OFF

Profit 10.

Pick Rate 37.5% (6/16)
Win Rate 0.0% (0W/4L)
Merchant Volume: 0 acquisitions here
1-SLOT
Guinea Pig

Guinea Pig

BASIC
SMALL ANIMAL EMPLOYEE
5.0
SEC
▸ Overwork your adjacent Machines 2.
▸ 5s.
Keywords
Overwork
The asset works twice as fast while Overworked.
◆ + 5 Funding
Full Dossier →

Guinea Pig

Common ▫ 1-Slot
$8 Funding List: $10
-15% OFF

Overwork your adjacent Machines 2.5s.

Pick Rate 29.0% (54/186)
Win Rate 16.7% (3W/15L)
Merchant Volume: 0 acquisitions here
◈ 60
2-SLOT
Pink Elephant

Pink Elephant

BASIC
MEDIUM ANIMAL
6.0
SEC
▸ Gain 60 Moat.
▸ Gain 5 Scandal.
Keywords
Moat
Absorbs Loss before your Cash is touched. Debt and Scandal go through it.
Scandal
Fast recurring Loss that ignores Moat — but it blows over.
◆ + 8 Funding
Full Dossier →

Pink Elephant

Common ▫▫ 2-Slot
$13 Funding List: $16
-15% OFF

Gain 60 Moat. Gain 5 Scandal.

Pick Rate 27.9% (19/68)
Win Rate 0.0% (0W/1L)
Merchant Volume: 0 acquisitions here
1-SLOT
Rubber Duck

Rubber Duck

BASIC
SMALL ANIMAL SERVICE
4.0
SEC
▸ Fast Track an adjacent Employee 1.
▸ 5s.
Keywords
Fast Track
Instantly advances an asset's progress toward acting.
◆ + 5 Funding
Full Dossier →

Rubber Duck

Common ▫ 1-Slot
$8 Funding List: $10
-15% OFF

Fast Track an adjacent Employee 1.5s.

Pick Rate 27.6% (68/246)
Win Rate 4.9% (2W/39L)
Merchant Volume: 0 acquisitions here
1-SLOT
Coffee Machine

Coffee Machine

BASIC
SMALL MACHINE BENEFIT
4.0
SEC
▸ Overwork an adjacent Employee 1s.
Keywords
Overwork
The asset works twice as fast while Overworked.
◆ + 5 Funding
Full Dossier →

Coffee Machine

Common ▫ 1-Slot
$8 Funding List: $10
-15% OFF

Overwork an adjacent Employee 1s.

Pick Rate 21.0% (17/81)
Win Rate 33.3% (3W/6L)
Merchant Volume: 0 acquisitions here
◈ 30
1-SLOT
Office Cat

Office Cat

BASIC
SMALL ANIMAL
9.0
SEC
▸ Fast Track an adjacent Employee 3s.
▸ Gain 30 Moat.
Keywords
Moat
Absorbs Loss before your Cash is touched. Debt and Scandal go through it.
Fast Track
Instantly advances an asset's progress toward acting.
◆ + 6 Funding
Full Dossier →

Office Cat

Common ▫ 1-Slot
$10 Funding List: $12
-15% OFF

Fast Track an adjacent Employee 3s. Gain 30 Moat.

Pick Rate 0.0% (0/2)
Win Rate 0.0% (0W/0L)
Merchant Volume: 0 acquisitions here
▼ 30 ◈ 40
1-SLOT
Key Person Insurance

Key Person Insurance

BASIC
SMALL BENEFIT
9.0
SEC
▸ Inflict 30 Loss.
▸ When one of your Employees is Liquidated, permanently gain 8 Funding and 40 Moat.
Keywords
Loss
Reduces the rival's Cash. Absorbed by Moat first.
Moat
Absorbs Loss before your Cash is touched. Debt and Scandal go through it.
Liquidate
Removed for the rest of the battle.
◆ + 8 Funding
Full Dossier →

Key Person Insurance

Rare ▫ 1-Slot
$13 Funding List: $16
-15% OFF

Inflict 30 Loss. When one of your Employees is Liquidated, permanently gain 8 Funding and 40 Moat.

Pick Rate 0.0% (0/0)
Win Rate 0.0% (0W/0L)
Merchant Volume: 0 acquisitions here
◈ 50
1-SLOT
Nap Pod

Nap Pod

BASIC
SMALL PROPERTY BENEFIT
5.0
SEC
▸ Audit one of your Employees 1s.
▸ Gain 50 Moat.
Keywords
Moat
Absorbs Loss before your Cash is touched. Debt and Scandal go through it.
Audit
The asset stops entirely while under Audit.
◆ + 25 Funding
Full Dossier →

Nap Pod

Common ▫ 1-Slot
$42 Funding List: $50
-15% OFF

Audit one of your Employees 1s. Gain 50 Moat.

Pick Rate 0.0% (0/1)
Win Rate 0.0% (0W/0L)
Merchant Volume: 0 acquisitions here
3-SLOT
Ping Pong Table

Ping Pong Table

BASIC
LARGE PROPERTY BENEFIT
5.0
SEC
▸ Fast Track adjacent Employees 1s.
▸ Overwork adjacent Employees 1s.
Keywords
Fast Track
Instantly advances an asset's progress toward acting.
Overwork
The asset works twice as fast while Overworked.
◆ + 45 Funding
Full Dossier →

Ping Pong Table

Uncommon ▫▫▫ 3-Slot
$76 Funding List: $90
-15% OFF

Fast Track adjacent Employees 1s. Overwork adjacent Employees 1s.

Pick Rate 0.0% (0/0)
Win Rate 0.0% (0W/0L)
Merchant Volume: 0 acquisitions here
◈ 40
1-SLOT
Kombucha Tap

Kombucha Tap

BASIC
SMALL SERVICE PROPERTY BENEFIT
6.0
SEC
▸ Gain 40 Moat.
▸ Gain 1 Scandal.
Keywords
Moat
Absorbs Loss before your Cash is touched. Debt and Scandal go through it.
Scandal
Fast recurring Loss that ignores Moat — but it blows over.
◆ + 22 Funding
Full Dossier →

Kombucha Tap

Common ▫ 1-Slot
$38 Funding List: $45
-15% OFF

Gain 40 Moat. Gain 1 Scandal.

Pick Rate 0.0% (0/0)
Win Rate 0.0% (0W/1L)
Merchant Volume: 0 acquisitions here
▲ 60 ◈ 30
2-SLOT
Dog-Friendly Office

Dog-Friendly Office

BASIC
MEDIUM PROPERTY
6.0
SEC
▸ Profit 60.
▸ For each Animal you control, gain 30 Moat.
Keywords
Profit
Restores your Cash, up to your Valuation.
Moat
Absorbs Loss before your Cash is touched. Debt and Scandal go through it.
◆ + 40 Funding
Full Dossier →

Dog-Friendly Office

Uncommon ▫▫ 2-Slot
$68 Funding List: $80
-15% OFF

Profit 60. For each Animal you control, gain 30 Moat.

Pick Rate 0.0% (0/0)
Win Rate 0.0% (0W/0L)
Merchant Volume: 0 acquisitions here
1-SLOT
Noise-Cancelling Headphones

Noise-Cancelling Headphones

BASIC
SMALL MACHINE BENEFIT
7.0
SEC
▸ Overwork adjacent Employees 2s.
▸ Adjacent Employees cannot be Slowed or Audited.
Keywords
Overwork
The asset works twice as fast while Overworked.
Slow
The asset works at half speed while Slowed.
Audit
The asset stops entirely while under Audit.
◆ + 40 Funding
Full Dossier →

Noise-Cancelling Headphones

Rare ▫ 1-Slot
$68 Funding List: $80
-15% OFF

Overwork adjacent Employees 2s. Adjacent Employees cannot be Slowed or Audited.

Pick Rate 0.0% (0/0)
Win Rate 0.0% (0W/1L)
Merchant Volume: 0 acquisitions here
▲ 20
1-SLOT
Coffee Chat

Coffee Chat

BASIC
SMALL BENEFIT
6.0
SEC
▸ Profit 20.
▸ When either adjacent Employee activates, Fast Track both adjacent Employees 0.
▸ 5s.
Keywords
Profit
Restores your Cash, up to your Valuation.
Fast Track
Instantly advances an asset's progress toward acting.
◆ + 6 Funding
Full Dossier →

Coffee Chat

Common ▫ 1-Slot
$10 Funding List: $12
-15% OFF

Profit 20. When either adjacent Employee activates, Fast Track both adjacent Employees 0.5s.

Pick Rate 0.0% (0/2)
Win Rate 0.0% (0W/0L)
Merchant Volume: 0 acquisitions here
◈ 20
1-SLOT
Catered Lunch

Catered Lunch

BASIC
SMALL BENEFIT
6.0
SEC
▸ Gain 20 Moat.
▸ Your Employees produce +10 Moat.
Keywords
Moat
Absorbs Loss before your Cash is touched. Debt and Scandal go through it.
◆ + 7 Funding
Full Dossier →

Catered Lunch

Uncommon ▫ 1-Slot
$11 Funding List: $14
-15% OFF

Gain 20 Moat. Your Employees produce +10 Moat.

Pick Rate 0.0% (0/0)
Win Rate 0.0% (0W/0L)
Merchant Volume: 0 acquisitions here
◈ 15
1-SLOT
Space Heater

Space Heater

BASIC
SMALL MACHINE
4.0
SEC
▸ Gain 15 Moat.
▸ While Burned Out, Overwork adjacent Employees 1s.
Keywords
Moat
Absorbs Loss before your Cash is touched. Debt and Scandal go through it.
Overwork
The asset works twice as fast while Overworked.
Burnout
An asset pushed past one act per second is Burned Out: more speed is lost — but some cards pay off when it happens.
◆ + 6 Funding
Full Dossier →

Space Heater

Common ▫ 1-Slot
$10 Funding List: $12
-15% OFF

Gain 15 Moat. While Burned Out, Overwork adjacent Employees 1s.

Pick Rate 0.0% (0/0)
Win Rate 0.0% (0W/0L)
Merchant Volume: 0 acquisitions here
▲ 15
1-SLOT
Pizza Party

Pizza Party

BASIC
SMALL BENEFIT
6.0
SEC
▸ Overwork adjacent Employees 1s.
▸ Profit 15.
Keywords
Profit
Restores your Cash, up to your Valuation.
Overwork
The asset works twice as fast while Overworked.
◆ + 5 Funding
Full Dossier →

Pizza Party

Common ▫ 1-Slot
$8 Funding List: $10
-15% OFF

Overwork adjacent Employees 1s. Profit 15.

Pick Rate 0.0% (0/0)
Win Rate 0.0% (0W/1L)
Merchant Volume: 0 acquisitions here
◈ 20
1-SLOT
Severance Package

Severance Package

BASIC
SMALL BENEFIT
8.0
SEC
▸ Gain 20 Moat.
▸ When one of your Employees is Liquidated, permanently gain 5 Funding.
Keywords
Moat
Absorbs Loss before your Cash is touched. Debt and Scandal go through it.
Liquidate
Removed for the rest of the battle.
◆ + 8 Funding
Full Dossier →

Severance Package

Uncommon ▫ 1-Slot
$13 Funding List: $16
-15% OFF

Gain 20 Moat. When one of your Employees is Liquidated, permanently gain 5 Funding.

Pick Rate 0.0% (0/0)
Win Rate 0.0% (0W/0L)
Merchant Volume: 0 acquisitions here
2-SLOT
Early Retirement

Early Retirement

BASIC
MEDIUM BENEFIT
9.0
SEC
▸ Liquidate the Employee to your right.
▸ Permanently gain +10 Valuation.
Keywords
Liquidate
Removed for the rest of the battle.
◆ + 11 Funding
Full Dossier →

Early Retirement

Rare ▫▫ 2-Slot
$18 Funding List: $22
-15% OFF

Liquidate the Employee to your right. Permanently gain +10 Valuation.

Pick Rate 0.0% (0/0)
Win Rate 0.0% (0W/0L)
Merchant Volume: 0 acquisitions here
▲ 8
1-SLOT
Company Store

Company Store

BASIC
SMALL BENEFIT
6.0
SEC
▸ Profit 8 for each of your Employees.
▸ Gain 1 Debt.
Keywords
Profit
Restores your Cash, up to your Valuation.
Debt
Recurring Loss that ignores Moat and never goes away on its own.
◆ + 8 Funding
Full Dossier →

Company Store

Uncommon ▫ 1-Slot
$13 Funding List: $16
-15% OFF

Profit 8 for each of your Employees. Gain 1 Debt.

Pick Rate 0.0% (0/0)
Win Rate 0.0% (0W/0L)
Merchant Volume: 0 acquisitions here
1-SLOT
Stock Options

Stock Options

BASIC
SMALL BENEFIT
8.0
SEC
▸ Permanently gain +6 Valuation.
▸ Your Employees produce 5 less Profit.
Keywords
Profit
Restores your Cash, up to your Valuation.
◆ + 6 Funding
Full Dossier →

Stock Options

Uncommon ▫ 1-Slot
$10 Funding List: $12
-15% OFF

Permanently gain +6 Valuation. Your Employees produce 5 less Profit.

Pick Rate 0.0% (0/0)
Win Rate 0.0% (0W/0L)
Merchant Volume: 0 acquisitions here
▼ 10
2-SLOT
Retraining Program

Retraining Program

BASIC
MEDIUM BENEFIT
10.0
SEC
▸ Liquidate your smallest Employee.
▸ Your Machines permanently gain +10 Loss.
Keywords
Loss
Reduces the rival's Cash. Absorbed by Moat first.
Liquidate
Removed for the rest of the battle.
◆ + 11 Funding
Full Dossier →

Retraining Program

Rare ▫▫ 2-Slot
$18 Funding List: $22
-15% OFF

Liquidate your smallest Employee. Your Machines permanently gain +10 Loss.

Pick Rate 0.0% (0/0)
Win Rate 0.0% (0W/0L)
Merchant Volume: 0 acquisitions here