MARKET: +14.2% ▲ ALL-TIME HIGH MOM & POP: MOAT AT ATH ($840 Moat Absorbing) SCRAPPY: +38.5% ▲ 42x Unpaid Interns Leveraged SERGEI: +21.0% ▲ 10,000 Bot Workers Deployed BARON: -3.1% ▼ Injunction Overruled by Cayman Court AMAZOFF: -12.8% ▼ Liquidated in Year 4 SEC STATUS: 0 SUBPOENAS FILED (COMPLIANCE WAIVED) CRASH WARNING: T-30s TICK COMMENCING MARKET: +14.2% ▲ ALL-TIME HIGH MOM & POP: MOAT AT ATH ($840 Moat Absorbing) SCRAPPY: +38.5% ▲ 42x Unpaid Interns Leveraged SERGEI: +21.0% ▲ 10,000 Bot Workers Deployed BARON: -3.1% ▼ Injunction Overruled by Cayman Court AMAZOFF: -12.8% ▼ Liquidated in Year 4
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◀ Boardroom Analytics / vendor.coffee_cart
STATUS: LICENSED MERCHANT
UC
The Coffee Cart
Asset Market 🏷️ 20% OFF 📦 4 Stock Slots 🛒 1.78 Sales / Visit ALL FOUNDERS YEAR 1–2

The Coffee Cart

“A cart by the elevators. The espresso is free. The crash is not.”
Merchant Identifier: vendor.coffee_cart

Buy caffeine assets at 20% off

Commercial Terms & Encounter Mechanics

Statutory Market Invariants

Operating rules governing inventory allocation, pricing modifiers, and encounter routing:

SHELF CAPACITY 4 Offers / Roll
PRICING TERMS 20% Off
ENCOUNTER WEIGHT Weight 90
Stocking Mechanism: Curated Asset Pool (19 Designated Cards)
Restock Rule: Static Shelf (Does not refill upon purchase; requires paid reroll)
Most Acquired At This Merchant
Pizza Party (4 sold) Sympathy Card (4 sold) Barista (3 sold) Hard Worker (3 sold) Space Heater (3 sold)

Commerce Performance Telemetry

Version Current Filings
VISIT CONVERSION (PICK RATE)
26.5% (18 / 68 offers)

Rate at which executive founders prioritize visiting this merchant when offered.

SALES PER VISIT
1.78 cards / stop

Founders buy an average of 1.78 cards per stop (45% shelf clearance of 4 slots).

TOTAL SALES & REVENUE
32 items ($655 spend)

Gross inventory acquired across all runs (0 upgrades purchased).

Recent Merchant Sales

Executive Transaction Audit
Asset Sold Price Type Time
$28 NEW UNIT 1 day ago
$11 NEW UNIT 1 day ago
$32 NEW UNIT 1 day ago
$32 NEW UNIT 1 day ago
$4 NEW UNIT 1 day ago
$24 NEW UNIT 10 days ago
$17 NEW UNIT 12 days ago
$9 NEW UNIT 12 days ago
$11 NEW UNIT 12 days ago
$24 NEW UNIT 12 days ago

Authorized Shelf Inventory & Options

All eligible corporate assets rolled on The Coffee Cart's shelves. Sized according to 1-, 2-, and 3-width board footprints.

▫ 18 Small (1-Slot) ▫▫ 1 Medium (2-Slot) ▫▫▫ 0 Large (3-Slot)
Size:
Sort: Pick Rate Win Rate Sales Price Size Name
Filter Tag:
▲ 8
1-SLOT
Streamer

Streamer

BASIC
SMALL HUMAN
3.0
SEC
▸ Profit 8.
▸ Windfall 25%.
▸ Overwork this 0.5s.
Keywords
Profit
Restores your Cash, up to your Valuation.
Overwork
The asset works twice as fast while Overworked.
Windfall
Chance for an asset to inflict double Loss, Profit, Revenue, Moat, Debt, and Scandal when it acts.
◆ 8 Funding
Full Dossier →

Streamer

Common ▫ 1-Slot
$12 Funding List: $16
-20% OFF

Profit 8. Windfall 25%. Overwork this 0.5s.

Pick Rate 50.0% (1/2)
Win Rate 0.0% (0W/0L)
Merchant Volume: 0 acquisitions here
◈ 15
1-SLOT
Space Heater

Space Heater

BASIC
SMALL MACHINE
4.0
SEC
▸ Gain 15 Moat.
▸ While Burned Out, Overwork adjacent Employees 1s.
Keywords
Moat
Absorbs Loss before your Cash is touched. Debt and Scandal go through it.
Overwork
The asset works twice as fast while Overworked.
Burnout
An asset pushed past one act per second is Burned Out: more speed is lost — but some cards pay off when it happens.
◆ 15 Funding
Full Dossier →

Space Heater

Common ▫ 1-Slot
$24 Funding List: $30
-20% OFF

Gain 15 Moat. While Burned Out, Overwork adjacent Employees 1s.

Pick Rate 36.2% (25/69)
Win Rate 50.0% (1W/1L)
Merchant Volume: 3 acquisitions here
◈ 12 ▲ 20
1-SLOT
Nurse

Nurse

BASIC
SMALL HUMAN EMPLOYEE
6.0
SEC
▸ Gain 12 Moat.
▸ Slow one of your Burned Out Humans 2s.
▸ Whenever one of your Humans recovers from Burnout, Profit 20.
Keywords
Profit
Restores your Cash, up to your Valuation.
Moat
Absorbs Loss before your Cash is touched. Debt and Scandal go through it.
Slow
The asset works at half speed while Slowed.
Burnout
An asset pushed past one act per second is Burned Out: more speed is lost — but some cards pay off when it happens.
◆ 8 Funding
Full Dossier →

Nurse

Common ▫ 1-Slot
$12 Funding List: $16
-20% OFF

Gain 12 Moat. Slow one of your Burned Out Humans 2s. Whenever one of your Humans recovers from Burnout, Profit 20.

Pick Rate 33.3% (11/33)
Win Rate 33.3% (1W/2L)
Merchant Volume: 0 acquisitions here
▲ 20
1-SLOT
Quiet Quitter

Quiet Quitter

BASIC
SMALL HUMAN EMPLOYEE
6.0
SEC
▸ Profit 20.
▸ Scale +2 while Burned Out.
Keywords
Profit
Restores your Cash, up to your Valuation.
Scale
The asset's effects trigger additional times each time it acts.
Burnout
An asset pushed past one act per second is Burned Out: more speed is lost — but some cards pay off when it happens.
◆ 17 Funding
Full Dossier →

Quiet Quitter

Common ▫ 1-Slot
$28 Funding List: $35
-20% OFF

Profit 20. Scale +2 while Burned Out.

Pick Rate 33.3% (14/42)
Win Rate 0.0% (0W/1L)
Merchant Volume: 2 acquisitions here
◈ 40
1-SLOT
Martyr Complex

Martyr Complex

BASIC
SMALL HUMAN
5.0
SEC
▸ Gain 40 Moat.
▸ When this Burns Out, gain 100 Moat.
Keywords
Moat
Absorbs Loss before your Cash is touched. Debt and Scandal go through it.
Burnout
An asset pushed past one act per second is Burned Out: more speed is lost — but some cards pay off when it happens.
◆ 50 Funding
Full Dossier →

Martyr Complex

Common ▫ 1-Slot
$80 Funding List: $100
-20% OFF

Gain 40 Moat. When this Burns Out, gain 100 Moat.

Pick Rate 31.3% (5/16)
Win Rate 50.0% (1W/1L)
Merchant Volume: 2 acquisitions here
▲ 30
1-SLOT
Unpaid Intern

Unpaid Intern

BASIC
SMALL HUMAN EMPLOYEE
7.0
SEC
▸ Profit 30.
Keywords
Profit
Restores your Cash, up to your Valuation.
◆ 7 Funding
Full Dossier →

Unpaid Intern

Common ▫ 1-Slot
$11 Funding List: $14
-20% OFF

Profit 30.

Pick Rate 29.7% (138/464)
Win Rate 10.9% (7W/57L)
Merchant Volume: 3 acquisitions here
◈ 30
1-SLOT
Sympathy Card

Sympathy Card

BASIC
SMALL BENEFIT
6.0
SEC
▸ Gain 30 Moat.
▸ Whenever one of your assets Burns Out, Fast Track your other assets 0.5s.
Keywords
Moat
Absorbs Loss before your Cash is touched. Debt and Scandal go through it.
Fast Track
Instantly advances an asset's progress toward acting.
Burnout
An asset pushed past one act per second is Burned Out: more speed is lost — but some cards pay off when it happens.
◆ 20 Funding
Full Dossier →

Sympathy Card

Common ▫ 1-Slot
$32 Funding List: $40
-20% OFF

Gain 30 Moat. Whenever one of your assets Burns Out, Fast Track your other assets 0.5s.

Pick Rate 27.6% (8/29)
Win Rate 100.0% (1W/0L)
Merchant Volume: 4 acquisitions here
▼ 10 ▲ 10
1-SLOT
Hard Worker

Hard Worker

BASIC
SMALL HUMAN EMPLOYEE
5.0
SEC
▸ Inflict 10 Loss.
▸ Profit 10.
Keywords
Profit
Restores your Cash, up to your Valuation.
Loss
Reduces the rival's Cash. Absorbed by Moat first.
◆ 7 Funding
Full Dossier →

Hard Worker

Common ▫ 1-Slot
$11 Funding List: $14
-20% OFF

Inflict 10 Loss. Profit 10.

Pick Rate 24.9% (114/458)
Win Rate 5.2% (4W/73L)
Merchant Volume: 3 acquisitions here
▲ 30
1-SLOT
On-Call Pager

On-Call Pager

BASIC
SMALL MACHINE
4.0
SEC
▸ Overwork a random friendly Employee 1s.
▸ Profit 30.
Keywords
Profit
Restores your Cash, up to your Valuation.
Overwork
The asset works twice as fast while Overworked.
◆ 14 Funding
Full Dossier →

On-Call Pager

Common ▫ 1-Slot
$22 Funding List: $28
-20% OFF

Overwork a random friendly Employee 1s. Profit 30.

Pick Rate 23.5% (16/68)
Win Rate 66.7% (4W/2L)
Merchant Volume: 0 acquisitions here
◈ 40
2-SLOT
Wellness Program

Wellness Program

BASIC
MEDIUM BENEFIT
7.0
SEC
▸ Fast Track your Employees 0.2s.
▸ Whenever one of your assets Burns Out, gain 40 Moat.
Keywords
Moat
Absorbs Loss before your Cash is touched. Debt and Scandal go through it.
Fast Track
Instantly advances an asset's progress toward acting.
Burnout
An asset pushed past one act per second is Burned Out: more speed is lost — but some cards pay off when it happens.
◆ 10 Funding
Full Dossier →

Wellness Program

Uncommon ▫▫ 2-Slot
$16 Funding List: $20
-20% OFF

Fast Track your Employees 0.2s. Whenever one of your assets Burns Out, gain 40 Moat.

Pick Rate 23.1% (6/26)
Win Rate 66.7% (2W/1L)
Merchant Volume: 2 acquisitions here
▲ 5
1-SLOT
Caffeine Addict

Caffeine Addict

BASIC
SMALL HUMAN EMPLOYEE
3.0
SEC
▸ Profit 5.
▸ Fast Track this 2s.
Keywords
Profit
Restores your Cash, up to your Valuation.
Fast Track
Instantly advances an asset's progress toward acting.
◆ 15 Funding
Full Dossier →

Caffeine Addict

Common ▫ 1-Slot
$24 Funding List: $30
-20% OFF

Profit 5. Fast Track this 2s.

Pick Rate 22.2% (10/45)
Win Rate 66.7% (8W/4L)
Merchant Volume: 0 acquisitions here
▲ 20
1-SLOT
Coffee Chat

Coffee Chat

BASIC
SMALL BENEFIT
6.0
SEC
▸ Profit 20.
▸ When either adjacent Employee activates, Fast Track both adjacent Employees 0.5s.
Keywords
Profit
Restores your Cash, up to your Valuation.
Fast Track
Instantly advances an asset's progress toward acting.
◆ 9 Funding
Full Dossier →

Coffee Chat

Common ▫ 1-Slot
$14 Funding List: $18
-20% OFF

Profit 20. When either adjacent Employee activates, Fast Track both adjacent Employees 0.5s.

Pick Rate 21.9% (16/73)
Win Rate 33.3% (1W/2L)
Merchant Volume: 0 acquisitions here
▲ 10
1-SLOT
Comeback Kid

Comeback Kid

BASIC
SMALL HUMAN EMPLOYEE
3.0
SEC
▸ Profit 10.
▸ When this stops being Burned Out, permanently gain +10 Profit.
Keywords
Profit
Restores your Cash, up to your Valuation.
Burnout
An asset pushed past one act per second is Burned Out: more speed is lost — but some cards pay off when it happens.
◆ 8 Funding
Full Dossier →

Comeback Kid

Common ▫ 1-Slot
$12 Funding List: $16
-20% OFF

Profit 10. When this stops being Burned Out, permanently gain +10 Profit.

Pick Rate 20.7% (12/58)
Win Rate 55.6% (5W/4L)
Merchant Volume: 1 acquisition here
1-SLOT
Barista

Barista

BASIC
SMALL HUMAN EMPLOYEE
5.0
SEC
▸ Fast Track your slowest Employee 2s.
Keywords
Fast Track
Instantly advances an asset's progress toward acting.
◆ 3 Funding
Full Dossier →

Barista

Common ▫ 1-Slot
$4 Funding List: $6
-20% OFF

Fast Track your slowest Employee 2s.

Pick Rate 20.0% (9/45)
Win Rate 28.6% (2W/5L)
Merchant Volume: 3 acquisitions here
▼ 20
1-SLOT
Adrenaline Junkie

Adrenaline Junkie

BASIC
SMALL HUMAN
4.0
SEC
▸ Inflict 20 Loss.
▸ Windfall 40% while Burned Out.
Keywords
Loss
Reduces the rival's Cash. Absorbed by Moat first.
Windfall
Chance for an asset to inflict double Loss, Profit, Revenue, Moat, Debt, and Scandal when it acts.
Burnout
An asset pushed past one act per second is Burned Out: more speed is lost — but some cards pay off when it happens.
◆ 11 Funding
Full Dossier →

Adrenaline Junkie

Common ▫ 1-Slot
$17 Funding List: $22
-20% OFF

Inflict 20 Loss. Windfall 40% while Burned Out.

Pick Rate 18.2% (8/44)
Win Rate 50.0% (1W/1L)
Merchant Volume: 2 acquisitions here
▲ 50
1-SLOT
Union Worker

Union Worker

BASIC
SMALL HUMAN EMPLOYEE
4.0
SEC
▸ Profit 50.
▸ Whenever one of your Employees Burns Out, Slow all Employees 1s.
Keywords
Profit
Restores your Cash, up to your Valuation.
Slow
The asset works at half speed while Slowed.
Burnout
An asset pushed past one act per second is Burned Out: more speed is lost — but some cards pay off when it happens.
◆ 22 Funding
Full Dossier →

Union Worker

Common ▫ 1-Slot
$36 Funding List: $45
-20% OFF

Profit 50. Whenever one of your Employees Burns Out, Slow all Employees 1s.

Pick Rate 16.9% (10/59)
Win Rate 100.0% (1W/0L)
Merchant Volume: 0 acquisitions here
▼ 50
1-SLOT
Loose Cannon

Loose Cannon

BASIC
SMALL HUMAN EMPLOYEE
6.0
SEC
▸ Inflict 50 Loss.
▸ Scale +2 while Burned Out.
Keywords
Loss
Reduces the rival's Cash. Absorbed by Moat first.
Scale
The asset's effects trigger additional times each time it acts.
Burnout
An asset pushed past one act per second is Burned Out: more speed is lost — but some cards pay off when it happens.
◆ 27 Funding
Full Dossier →

Loose Cannon

Common ▫ 1-Slot
$44 Funding List: $55
-20% OFF

Inflict 50 Loss. Scale +2 while Burned Out.

Pick Rate 16.3% (7/43)
Win Rate 37.5% (3W/5L)
Merchant Volume: 2 acquisitions here
▲ 40
1-SLOT
Free Dinner After Eight

Free Dinner After Eight

BASIC
SMALL BENEFIT
5.0
SEC
▸ Overwork the Employee to your right 1.5s.
▸ Whenever the Employee to the right Burns Out, Profit 40.
Keywords
Profit
Restores your Cash, up to your Valuation.
Overwork
The asset works twice as fast while Overworked.
Burnout
An asset pushed past one act per second is Burned Out: more speed is lost — but some cards pay off when it happens.
◆ 6 Funding
Full Dossier →

Free Dinner After Eight

Common ▫ 1-Slot
$9 Funding List: $12
-20% OFF

Overwork the Employee to your right 1.5s. Whenever the Employee to the right Burns Out, Profit 40.

Pick Rate 16.1% (15/93)
Win Rate 46.7% (7W/8L)
Merchant Volume: 1 acquisition here
▲ 15
1-SLOT
Pizza Party

Pizza Party

BASIC
SMALL BENEFIT
6.0
SEC
▸ Overwork adjacent Employees 1s.
▸ Profit 15.
Keywords
Profit
Restores your Cash, up to your Valuation.
Overwork
The asset works twice as fast while Overworked.
◆ 7 Funding
Full Dossier →

Pizza Party

Common ▫ 1-Slot
$11 Funding List: $14
-20% OFF

Overwork adjacent Employees 1s. Profit 15.

Pick Rate 14.3% (8/56)
Win Rate 0.0% (0W/1L)
Merchant Volume: 4 acquisitions here