MARKET: +14.2% ▲ ALL-TIME HIGH MOM & POP: MOAT AT ATH ($840 Moat Absorbing) SCRAPPY: +38.5% ▲ 42x Unpaid Interns Leveraged SERGEI: +21.0% ▲ 10,000 Bot Workers Deployed BARON: -3.1% ▼ Injunction Overruled by Cayman Court AMAZOFF: -12.8% ▼ Liquidated in Year 4 SEC STATUS: 0 SUBPOENAS FILED (COMPLIANCE WAIVED) CRASH WARNING: T-30s TICK COMMENCING MARKET: +14.2% ▲ ALL-TIME HIGH MOM & POP: MOAT AT ATH ($840 Moat Absorbing) SCRAPPY: +38.5% ▲ 42x Unpaid Interns Leveraged SERGEI: +21.0% ▲ 10,000 Bot Workers Deployed BARON: -3.1% ▼ Injunction Overruled by Cayman Court AMAZOFF: -12.8% ▼ Liquidated in Year 4
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Corporate Dossier
Ultracapitalism / Company Archives Bankruptcy Filed
Baron, company founder
Founded by Baron

Instant Noodle Equity

5 Years in business
Filed September 13, 2026 at 12:18 UTC

Financial Summary

Final Valuation
$490
Final Liquid Funding
$1,046
Fiscal Review Record
2 Wins / 3 Setbacks

Asset Portfolio

▼ 40
Consultant

Consultant

BASIC
SMALL HUMAN EMPLOYEE SERVICE
5.0
SEC
▸ Inflict 40 Loss.
Keywords
Loss
Reduces the rival's Cash. Absorbed by Moat first.
◆ 15 Funding
Full Dossier →
▲ 120
Unpaid Intern
✦ MVP ✦

Unpaid Intern

PRO
SMALL HUMAN EMPLOYEE
7.0
SEC
▸ Profit 120.
Keywords
Profit
Restores your Cash, up to your Valuation.
◆ 28 Funding
Full Dossier →
▲ 50 ▼ 50
Temp Worker

Temp Worker

BASIC
SMALL HUMAN EMPLOYEE
7.0
SEC
▸ Profit 50.
▸ Inflict 50 Loss.
▸ Liquidate this.
Keywords
Profit
Restores your Cash, up to your Valuation.
Loss
Reduces the rival's Cash. Absorbed by Moat first.
Liquidate
Removed for the rest of the battle.
◆ 15 Funding
Full Dossier →
▲ 10
Fundraising Gala

Fundraising Gala

BASIC
LARGE PROPERTY
3.0
SEC
▸ Profit 10 for each Human you control.
Keywords
Profit
Restores your Cash, up to your Valuation.
◆ 17 Funding
Full Dossier →
▼ 40
Data Scientist

Data Scientist

PLUS
SMALL HUMAN EMPLOYEE
5.0
SEC
▸ Fast Track your fastest asset 1.5s.
▸ Inflict 40 Loss.
Keywords
Loss
Reduces the rival's Cash. Absorbed by Moat first.
Fast Track
Instantly advances an asset's progress toward acting.
◆ 22 Funding
Full Dossier →
▲ 30
Scrum Master

Scrum Master

PLUS
SMALL HUMAN EMPLOYEE
9.0
SEC
▸ Fast Track adjacent Employees 1.5s.
▸ Profit 30.
▸ Scale +1 while adjacent to an Employee.
Keywords
Profit
Restores your Cash, up to your Valuation.
Fast Track
Instantly advances an asset's progress toward acting.
Scale
The asset's effects trigger additional times each time it acts.
◆ 24 Funding
Full Dossier →
▲ 30
Unpaid Intern

Unpaid Intern

BASIC
SMALL HUMAN EMPLOYEE
7.0
SEC
▸ Profit 30.
Keywords
Profit
Restores your Cash, up to your Valuation.
◆ 7 Funding
Full Dossier →
▲ 15
Executive Assistant

Executive Assistant

BASIC
SMALL HUMAN EMPLOYEE
5.0
SEC
▸ Overwork the Employee to your left 2s.
▸ Profit 15.
Keywords
Profit
Restores your Cash, up to your Valuation.
Overwork
The asset works twice as fast while Overworked.
◆ 8 Funding
Full Dossier →

Corporate Policies

Hustle Culture
◆
#1

Hustle Culture

POLICY
▸ Your Employees act 5% faster.
▸ Start each battle with 5 Debt.
Keywords
Debt
Recurring Loss that ignores Moat and never goes away on its own.
Inspect Directive Dossier →
◆ 37 Funding
Old Money Rules
◆
#2

Old Money Rules

POLICY
▸ Start each battle with 100 Moat.
Keywords
Moat
Absorbs Loss before your Cash is touched. Debt and Scandal go through it.
Inspect Directive Dossier →
◆ 180 Funding
Regulatory Capture
◆
#3

Regulatory Capture

POLICY
▸ When you apply Scandal, gain 6 Moat.
Keywords
Moat
Absorbs Loss before your Cash is touched. Debt and Scandal go through it.
Scandal
Fast recurring Loss that ignores Moat — but it blows over.
Inspect Directive Dossier →
◆ 75 Funding
Lean Operations
◆
#4

Lean Operations

POLICY
▸ Your assets act 0.1s faster.
Inspect Directive Dossier →
◆ 50 Funding
Austerity Measures
◆
#5

Austerity Measures

POLICY
▸ Start each battle with 100 Moat.
▸ Your assets Profit 5 less.
Keywords
Profit
Restores your Cash, up to your Valuation.
Moat
Absorbs Loss before your Cash is touched. Debt and Scandal go through it.
Inspect Directive Dossier →
◆ 37 Funding
Open Door Policy
◆
#6

Open Door Policy

POLICY
▸ When one of your Employees is Slowed, Fast Track it 1.5s.
Keywords
Fast Track
Instantly advances an asset's progress toward acting.
Slow
The asset works at half speed while Slowed.
Inspect Directive Dossier →
◆ 90 Funding
Work/Life Balance
◆
#7

Work/Life Balance

POLICY
▸ When one of your Employees activates, Profit 50.
▸ Your Employees act 0.1s slower.
Keywords
Profit
Restores your Cash, up to your Valuation.
Inspect Directive Dossier →
◆ 215 Funding
POLICY SLOT
#8

Fiscal Growth Timeline

INSOLVENCY FILED
Cumulative Wins
Cumulative Losses
Bankruptcy Limit (3)
Conceded 3 fatal setbacks by Fiscal Year 5, triggering mandatory corporate bankruptcy.
FINAL OUTCOME • FISCAL YEAR 5 • $490 VALUATION • 2 Wins / 3 Setbacks
0 Baseline 2 ▲ 3 BANKRUPTCY 4 6 ★ 8 DOMINATION Yr 1 $160 Fiscal Year 1: 0 Wins, 1 Setbacks, $160 Valuation Yr 2 $210 Fiscal Year 2: 0 Wins, 2 Setbacks, $210 Valuation Yr 3 $270 Fiscal Year 3: 1 Wins, 2 Setbacks, $270 Valuation Yr 4 $335 Fiscal Year 4: 2 Wins, 2 Setbacks, $335 Valuation Yr 5 $490 Fiscal Year 5: 2 Wins, 3 Setbacks, $490 Valuation
Audit Raw Fiscal Records (Tabular Breakdown)
Fiscal Year Closing Valuation Cumulative Wins Cumulative Setbacks Status
Year 1 $160 0 1 Setback
Year 2 $210 0 2 1 Strike Left
Year 3 $270 1 2 1 Strike Left
Year 4 $335 2 2 1 Strike Left
Year 5 $490 2 3 Bankrupt

Quarterly Shareholder Report →

Ongoing Boardroom Performance

At each year-end, an audit snapshot of Instant Noodle Equity is filed to challenge rival corporate executives during their End-of-Year Showdowns.

Showdown Record
0W / 0L
0 battles logged to date
Board Win Rate
—
Awaiting first showdown
Active Board Snapshots
0 Filings
Archived record

Exhibit / Corporate Fingerprint

Company DNA

Composition of the final board

4 types
One corporate identity
  • Employee ×7
    Employee / 7 assets
    • Consultant
    • Unpaid Intern ×2
    • Temp Worker
    • Data Scientist
    • Scrum Master
    • Executive Assistant
  • Human ×7
    Human / 7 assets
    • Consultant
    • Unpaid Intern ×2
    • Temp Worker
    • Data Scientist
    • Scrum Master
    • Executive Assistant
  • Property ×1
    Property / 1 asset
    • Fundraising Gala
  • Service ×1
    Service / 1 asset
    • Consultant
Larger type · Greater presenceInspect a type to reveal its assets ↗