Work/Life Balance

Offered as 1 of 3 policy choices upon crossing Company Level milestones (Levels 1–12)

So this is the offer conversation. I've been here six months on pizza. Before I sign, I need to know what kind of company this is *going* to be.

Quick one. Is there a handbook? Somebody asked if we get holidays and I said I'd ask, and now everyone's looking at me. Are there *rules*?

Rent is due on the apartment and the runway is shorter than the lease. There is a futon behind the server rack. It has been looked at more than once.

A thought. If your staff were *contractors*, there'd be no benefits, no payroll tax, and a lovely blank where the overhead was. They'd still come in. Probably.

Culture deck, page one: people don't leave for money, they leave for *feeling*. Nitro cold brew on tap, a ping-pong table. Cheaper than raises. Much cheaper.

Ice at five. Nothing to eat until Thursday. Red light in the afternoons. Your executives will be *optimised*. They will also be very cold and very cross.

First contract. The list isn't money, mostly. A chair that doesn't hurt, lunch that's food, a day off when someone dies. Sign it and I'll stop *counting*.

Free dinner after eight. I've watched it work. They stay for the food, then they stay because they stayed. The nap pods are for the ones who don't get *home*.

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