MARKET: +14.2% ▲ ALL-TIME HIGH MOM & POP: MOAT AT ATH ($840 Moat Absorbing) SCRAPPY: +38.5% ▲ 42x Unpaid Interns Leveraged SERGEI: +21.0% ▲ 10,000 Bot Workers Deployed BARON: -3.1% ▼ Injunction Overruled by Cayman Court AMAZOFF: -12.8% ▼ Liquidated in Year 4 SEC STATUS: 0 SUBPOENAS FILED (COMPLIANCE WAIVED) CRASH WARNING: T-30s TICK COMMENCING MARKET: +14.2% ▲ ALL-TIME HIGH MOM & POP: MOAT AT ATH ($840 Moat Absorbing) SCRAPPY: +38.5% ▲ 42x Unpaid Interns Leveraged SERGEI: +21.0% ▲ 10,000 Bot Workers Deployed BARON: -3.1% ▼ Injunction Overruled by Cayman Court AMAZOFF: -12.8% ▼ Liquidated in Year 4
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Corporate Dossier
Ultracapitalism / Company Archives Bankruptcy Filed
Scrappy, company founder
Founded by Scrappy

Instant Noodle Equity

5 Years in business
Filed September 12, 2026 at 04:36 UTC

Financial Summary

Final Valuation
$717
Final Liquid Funding
$917
Fiscal Review Record
2 Wins / 3 Setbacks

Asset Portfolio

▼ 20 ▲ 20
Volunteer
Patented
Patented

Volunteer

BASIC
SMALL HUMAN
6.0
SEC
▸ Inflict 20 Loss.
▸ Profit 20.
▸ Always costs 0 Funding.
Buzzword
Patented
Patented
▸ At the start of battle, gain 15 Moat.
Keywords
Profit
Restores your Cash, up to your Valuation.
Loss
Reduces the rival's Cash. Absorbed by Moat first.
Moat
Absorbs Loss before your Cash is touched. Debt and Scandal go through it.
◆ 4 Funding
Full Dossier →
◈ 40
In-House Counsel

In-House Counsel

BASIC
MEDIUM HUMAN EMPLOYEE SERVICE
5.0
SEC
▸ Gain 40 Moat.
▸ When one of your Employees would be Audited, this is Audited instead.
Keywords
Moat
Absorbs Loss before your Cash is touched. Debt and Scandal go through it.
Audit
The asset stops entirely while under Audit.
◆ 27 Funding
Full Dossier →
▲ 20 ▼ 20
Loan Shark
Disruptive
Disruptive

Loan Shark

BASIC
SMALL ANIMAL SERVICE
5.0
SEC
▸ Profit 20.
▸ Inflict 20 Loss.
▸ Gain 1 Debt.
Buzzword
Disruptive
Disruptive
▸ Also apply 2 Scandal.
Keywords
Profit
Restores your Cash, up to your Valuation.
Loss
Reduces the rival's Cash. Absorbed by Moat first.
Debt
Recurring Loss that ignores Moat and never goes away on its own.
Scandal
Fast recurring Loss that ignores Moat — but it blows over.
◆ 13 Funding
Full Dossier →
#4
Keynote Speaker
Synergized
Synergized

Keynote Speaker

BASIC
SMALL HUMAN EMPLOYEE
10.0
SEC
▸ Permanently gain +10 Valuation.
▸ Fast Track an adjacent Employee 1s.
Buzzword
Synergized
Synergized
▸ At the start of battle, Profit 10.
Keywords
Profit
Restores your Cash, up to your Valuation.
Fast Track
Instantly advances an asset's progress toward acting.
◆ 8 Funding
Full Dossier →
◈ 20
Animal Lover
✦ MVP ✦

Animal Lover

PLUS
SMALL HUMAN EMPLOYEE
6.0
SEC
▸ Gain 20 Moat for every Animal you have.
Keywords
Moat
Absorbs Loss before your Cash is touched. Debt and Scandal go through it.
◆ 35 Funding
Full Dossier →
◈ 60
Pink Elephant

Pink Elephant

BASIC
MEDIUM ANIMAL
6.0
SEC
▸ Gain 60 Moat.
▸ Gain 5 Scandal.
Keywords
Moat
Absorbs Loss before your Cash is touched. Debt and Scandal go through it.
Scandal
Fast recurring Loss that ignores Moat — but it blows over.
◆ 27 Funding
Full Dossier →
#8
Early Adopter
Agile
Agile

Early Adopter

BASIC
SMALL HUMAN
10.0
SEC
▸ Permanently gain +8 Valuation.
Buzzword
Agile
Agile
▸ 10% faster.
◆ 8 Funding
Full Dossier →
▼ 18
Viral Post

Viral Post

BASIC
SMALL SCHEME
6.0
SEC
▸ Inflict 18 Loss.
▸ Windfall 30%.
Keywords
Loss
Reduces the rival's Cash. Absorbed by Moat first.
Windfall
Chance for an asset to inflict double Loss, Profit, Revenue, Moat, Debt, and Scandal when it acts.
◆ 7 Funding
Full Dossier →

Corporate Policies

Quality Assurance
◆
#1

Quality Assurance

POLICY
▸ When one of your assets is Liquidated, gain 100 Moat.
Keywords
Moat
Absorbs Loss before your Cash is touched. Debt and Scandal go through it.
Liquidate
Removed for the rest of the battle.
Inspect Directive Dossier →
◆ 90 Funding
Austerity Measures
◆
#2

Austerity Measures

POLICY
▸ Start each battle with 100 Moat.
▸ Your assets Profit 5 less.
Keywords
Profit
Restores your Cash, up to your Valuation.
Moat
Absorbs Loss before your Cash is touched. Debt and Scandal go through it.
Inspect Directive Dossier →
◆ 37 Funding
Grassroots Growth
◆
#3

Grassroots Growth

POLICY
▸ After a won battle, permanently gain +1 Revenue.
Keywords
Revenue
Recurring Profit every second.
Inspect Directive Dossier →
◆ 55 Funding
Underdog
◆
#4

Underdog

POLICY
▸ While behind on Cash, your assets work 3% faster.
Inspect Directive Dossier →
◆ 80 Funding
Recurring Revenue
◆
#5

Recurring Revenue

POLICY
▸ Permanently gain +1 Revenue.
Keywords
Revenue
Recurring Profit every second.
Inspect Directive Dossier →
◆ 110 Funding
POLICY SLOT
#6
POLICY SLOT
#7
POLICY SLOT
#8

Fiscal Growth Timeline

INSOLVENCY FILED
Cumulative Wins
Cumulative Losses
Bankruptcy Limit (3)
Conceded 3 fatal setbacks by Fiscal Year 5, triggering mandatory corporate bankruptcy.
FINAL OUTCOME • FISCAL YEAR 5 • $717 VALUATION • 2 Wins / 3 Setbacks
0 Baseline 2 ▲ 3 BANKRUPTCY 4 6 ★ 8 DOMINATION Yr 1 $200 Fiscal Year 1: 0 Wins, 1 Setbacks, $200 Valuation Yr 2 $280 Fiscal Year 2: 0 Wins, 2 Setbacks, $280 Valuation Yr 3 $380 Fiscal Year 3: 1 Wins, 2 Setbacks, $380 Valuation Yr 4 $485 Fiscal Year 4: 2 Wins, 2 Setbacks, $485 Valuation Yr 5 $717 Fiscal Year 5: 2 Wins, 3 Setbacks, $717 Valuation
Audit Raw Fiscal Records (Tabular Breakdown)
Fiscal Year Closing Valuation Cumulative Wins Cumulative Setbacks Status
Year 1 $200 0 1 Setback
Year 2 $280 0 2 1 Strike Left
Year 3 $380 1 2 1 Strike Left
Year 4 $485 2 2 1 Strike Left
Year 5 $717 2 3 Bankrupt

Quarterly Shareholder Report →

Ongoing Boardroom Performance

At each year-end, an audit snapshot of Instant Noodle Equity is filed to challenge rival corporate executives during their End-of-Year Showdowns.

Showdown Record
1W / 3L
4 battles fought as rival board
Board Win Rate
25.0%
1 rival repelled
Active Board Snapshots
5 Filings
Years 1 through 5

Annual Boardroom Snapshots

Historical portfolio audits captured at the conclusion of each fiscal year.

5 Years Archived
YEAR 1 $164 0W - 0S
Assets
Hard Worker

Hard Worker

BASIC
SMALL HUMAN EMPLOYEE
5.0
SEC
▸ Inflict 10 Loss.
▸ Profit 10.
Keywords
Profit
Restores your Cash, up to your Valuation.
Loss
Reduces the rival's Cash. Absorbed by Moat first.
◆ 7 Funding
Full Dossier →
Loan Shark

Loan Shark

BASIC
SMALL ANIMAL SERVICE
5.0
SEC
▸ Profit 20.
▸ Inflict 20 Loss.
▸ Gain 1 Debt.
Keywords
Profit
Restores your Cash, up to your Valuation.
Loss
Reduces the rival's Cash. Absorbed by Moat first.
Debt
Recurring Loss that ignores Moat and never goes away on its own.
◆ 13 Funding
Full Dossier →
Keynote Speaker

Keynote Speaker

BASIC
SMALL HUMAN EMPLOYEE
10.0
SEC
▸ Permanently gain +10 Valuation.
▸ Fast Track an adjacent Employee 1s.
Keywords
Fast Track
Instantly advances an asset's progress toward acting.
◆ 8 Funding
Full Dossier →
Early Adopter

Early Adopter

BASIC
SMALL HUMAN
10.0
SEC
▸ Permanently gain +8 Valuation.
◆ 8 Funding
Full Dossier →
◈
◈
◈
◈
◈
◈
YEAR 2 $270 0W - 1S
Assets
Hard Worker

Hard Worker

BASIC
SMALL HUMAN EMPLOYEE
5.0
SEC
▸ Inflict 10 Loss.
▸ Profit 10.
Keywords
Profit
Restores your Cash, up to your Valuation.
Loss
Reduces the rival's Cash. Absorbed by Moat first.
◆ 7 Funding
Full Dossier →
Keynote Speaker

Keynote Speaker

BASIC
SMALL HUMAN EMPLOYEE
10.0
SEC
▸ Permanently gain +10 Valuation.
▸ Fast Track an adjacent Employee 1s.
Keywords
Fast Track
Instantly advances an asset's progress toward acting.
◆ 8 Funding
Full Dossier →
Pink Elephant

Pink Elephant

BASIC
MEDIUM ANIMAL
6.0
SEC
▸ Gain 60 Moat.
▸ Gain 5 Scandal.
Keywords
Moat
Absorbs Loss before your Cash is touched. Debt and Scandal go through it.
Scandal
Fast recurring Loss that ignores Moat — but it blows over.
◆ 27 Funding
Full Dossier →
Viral Post

Viral Post

BASIC
SMALL SCHEME
6.0
SEC
▸ Inflict 18 Loss.
▸ Windfall 30%.
Keywords
Loss
Reduces the rival's Cash. Absorbed by Moat first.
Windfall
Chance for an asset to inflict double Loss, Profit, Revenue, Moat, Debt, and Scandal when it acts.
◆ 7 Funding
Full Dossier →
Underdog Story

Underdog Story

BASIC
SMALL HUMAN
6.0
SEC
▸ Inflict 18 Loss.
▸ Scale +1 while you have less Cash than the rival.
Keywords
Loss
Reduces the rival's Cash. Absorbed by Moat first.
Scale
The asset's effects trigger additional times each time it acts.
◆ 11 Funding
Full Dossier →
◈
◈
◈
◈
Policies
Quality Assurance

Quality Assurance

POLICY
▸ When one of your assets is Liquidated, gain 100 Moat.
Keywords
Moat
Absorbs Loss before your Cash is touched. Debt and Scandal go through it.
Liquidate
Removed for the rest of the battle.
Inspect Directive Dossier →
◆ 90 Funding
Austerity Measures

Austerity Measures

POLICY
▸ Start each battle with 100 Moat.
▸ Your assets Profit 5 less.
Keywords
Profit
Restores your Cash, up to your Valuation.
Moat
Absorbs Loss before your Cash is touched. Debt and Scandal go through it.
Inspect Directive Dossier →
◆ 37 Funding
YEAR 3 $350 0W - 2S
Assets
Volunteer
⚡
Patented

Volunteer

BASIC
SMALL HUMAN
6.0
SEC
▸ Inflict 20 Loss.
▸ Profit 20.
▸ Always costs 0 Funding.
Buzzword
Patented
Patented
▸ At the start of battle, gain 15 Moat.
Keywords
Profit
Restores your Cash, up to your Valuation.
Loss
Reduces the rival's Cash. Absorbed by Moat first.
Moat
Absorbs Loss before your Cash is touched. Debt and Scandal go through it.
◆ 4 Funding
Full Dossier →
In-House Counsel

In-House Counsel

BASIC
MEDIUM HUMAN EMPLOYEE SERVICE
5.0
SEC
▸ Gain 40 Moat.
▸ When one of your Employees would be Audited, this is Audited instead.
Keywords
Moat
Absorbs Loss before your Cash is touched. Debt and Scandal go through it.
Audit
The asset stops entirely while under Audit.
◆ 27 Funding
Full Dossier →
Loan Shark

Loan Shark

BASIC
SMALL ANIMAL SERVICE
5.0
SEC
▸ Profit 20.
▸ Inflict 20 Loss.
▸ Gain 1 Debt.
Keywords
Profit
Restores your Cash, up to your Valuation.
Loss
Reduces the rival's Cash. Absorbed by Moat first.
Debt
Recurring Loss that ignores Moat and never goes away on its own.
◆ 13 Funding
Full Dossier →
Keynote Speaker

Keynote Speaker

BASIC
SMALL HUMAN EMPLOYEE
10.0
SEC
▸ Permanently gain +10 Valuation.
▸ Fast Track an adjacent Employee 1s.
Keywords
Fast Track
Instantly advances an asset's progress toward acting.
◆ 8 Funding
Full Dossier →
Animal Lover
+

Animal Lover

PLUS
SMALL HUMAN EMPLOYEE
6.0
SEC
▸ Gain 20 Moat for every Animal you have.
Keywords
Moat
Absorbs Loss before your Cash is touched. Debt and Scandal go through it.
◆ 35 Funding
Full Dossier →
Pink Elephant

Pink Elephant

BASIC
MEDIUM ANIMAL
6.0
SEC
▸ Gain 60 Moat.
▸ Gain 5 Scandal.
Keywords
Moat
Absorbs Loss before your Cash is touched. Debt and Scandal go through it.
Scandal
Fast recurring Loss that ignores Moat — but it blows over.
◆ 27 Funding
Full Dossier →
◈
◈
Policies
Quality Assurance

Quality Assurance

POLICY
▸ When one of your assets is Liquidated, gain 100 Moat.
Keywords
Moat
Absorbs Loss before your Cash is touched. Debt and Scandal go through it.
Liquidate
Removed for the rest of the battle.
Inspect Directive Dossier →
◆ 90 Funding
Austerity Measures

Austerity Measures

POLICY
▸ Start each battle with 100 Moat.
▸ Your assets Profit 5 less.
Keywords
Profit
Restores your Cash, up to your Valuation.
Moat
Absorbs Loss before your Cash is touched. Debt and Scandal go through it.
Inspect Directive Dossier →
◆ 37 Funding
Grassroots Growth

Grassroots Growth

POLICY
▸ After a won battle, permanently gain +1 Revenue.
Keywords
Revenue
Recurring Profit every second.
Inspect Directive Dossier →
◆ 55 Funding
YEAR 4 $455 1W - 2S
Assets
Volunteer
⚡
Patented

Volunteer

BASIC
SMALL HUMAN
6.0
SEC
▸ Inflict 20 Loss.
▸ Profit 20.
▸ Always costs 0 Funding.
Buzzword
Patented
Patented
▸ At the start of battle, gain 15 Moat.
Keywords
Profit
Restores your Cash, up to your Valuation.
Loss
Reduces the rival's Cash. Absorbed by Moat first.
Moat
Absorbs Loss before your Cash is touched. Debt and Scandal go through it.
◆ 4 Funding
Full Dossier →
In-House Counsel

In-House Counsel

BASIC
MEDIUM HUMAN EMPLOYEE SERVICE
5.0
SEC
▸ Gain 40 Moat.
▸ When one of your Employees would be Audited, this is Audited instead.
Keywords
Moat
Absorbs Loss before your Cash is touched. Debt and Scandal go through it.
Audit
The asset stops entirely while under Audit.
◆ 27 Funding
Full Dossier →
Loan Shark
⚡
Disruptive

Loan Shark

BASIC
SMALL ANIMAL SERVICE
5.0
SEC
▸ Profit 20.
▸ Inflict 20 Loss.
▸ Gain 1 Debt.
Buzzword
Disruptive
Disruptive
▸ Also apply 2 Scandal.
Keywords
Profit
Restores your Cash, up to your Valuation.
Loss
Reduces the rival's Cash. Absorbed by Moat first.
Debt
Recurring Loss that ignores Moat and never goes away on its own.
Scandal
Fast recurring Loss that ignores Moat — but it blows over.
◆ 13 Funding
Full Dossier →
Keynote Speaker
⚡
Synergized

Keynote Speaker

BASIC
SMALL HUMAN EMPLOYEE
10.0
SEC
▸ Permanently gain +10 Valuation.
▸ Fast Track an adjacent Employee 1s.
Buzzword
Synergized
Synergized
▸ At the start of battle, Profit 10.
Keywords
Profit
Restores your Cash, up to your Valuation.
Fast Track
Instantly advances an asset's progress toward acting.
◆ 8 Funding
Full Dossier →
Animal Lover
+

Animal Lover

PLUS
SMALL HUMAN EMPLOYEE
6.0
SEC
▸ Gain 20 Moat for every Animal you have.
Keywords
Moat
Absorbs Loss before your Cash is touched. Debt and Scandal go through it.
◆ 35 Funding
Full Dossier →
Pink Elephant

Pink Elephant

BASIC
MEDIUM ANIMAL
6.0
SEC
▸ Gain 60 Moat.
▸ Gain 5 Scandal.
Keywords
Moat
Absorbs Loss before your Cash is touched. Debt and Scandal go through it.
Scandal
Fast recurring Loss that ignores Moat — but it blows over.
◆ 27 Funding
Full Dossier →
◈
◈
Policies
Quality Assurance

Quality Assurance

POLICY
▸ When one of your assets is Liquidated, gain 100 Moat.
Keywords
Moat
Absorbs Loss before your Cash is touched. Debt and Scandal go through it.
Liquidate
Removed for the rest of the battle.
Inspect Directive Dossier →
◆ 90 Funding
Austerity Measures

Austerity Measures

POLICY
▸ Start each battle with 100 Moat.
▸ Your assets Profit 5 less.
Keywords
Profit
Restores your Cash, up to your Valuation.
Moat
Absorbs Loss before your Cash is touched. Debt and Scandal go through it.
Inspect Directive Dossier →
◆ 37 Funding
Grassroots Growth

Grassroots Growth

POLICY
▸ After a won battle, permanently gain +1 Revenue.
Keywords
Revenue
Recurring Profit every second.
Inspect Directive Dossier →
◆ 55 Funding
Underdog

Underdog

POLICY
▸ While behind on Cash, your assets work 3% faster.
Inspect Directive Dossier →
◆ 80 Funding
YEAR 5 $598 2W - 2S
Assets
Volunteer
⚡
Patented

Volunteer

BASIC
SMALL HUMAN
6.0
SEC
▸ Inflict 20 Loss.
▸ Profit 20.
▸ Always costs 0 Funding.
Buzzword
Patented
Patented
▸ At the start of battle, gain 15 Moat.
Keywords
Profit
Restores your Cash, up to your Valuation.
Loss
Reduces the rival's Cash. Absorbed by Moat first.
Moat
Absorbs Loss before your Cash is touched. Debt and Scandal go through it.
◆ 4 Funding
Full Dossier →
In-House Counsel

In-House Counsel

BASIC
MEDIUM HUMAN EMPLOYEE SERVICE
5.0
SEC
▸ Gain 40 Moat.
▸ When one of your Employees would be Audited, this is Audited instead.
Keywords
Moat
Absorbs Loss before your Cash is touched. Debt and Scandal go through it.
Audit
The asset stops entirely while under Audit.
◆ 27 Funding
Full Dossier →
Loan Shark
⚡
Disruptive

Loan Shark

BASIC
SMALL ANIMAL SERVICE
5.0
SEC
▸ Profit 20.
▸ Inflict 20 Loss.
▸ Gain 1 Debt.
Buzzword
Disruptive
Disruptive
▸ Also apply 2 Scandal.
Keywords
Profit
Restores your Cash, up to your Valuation.
Loss
Reduces the rival's Cash. Absorbed by Moat first.
Debt
Recurring Loss that ignores Moat and never goes away on its own.
Scandal
Fast recurring Loss that ignores Moat — but it blows over.
◆ 13 Funding
Full Dossier →
Keynote Speaker
⚡
Synergized

Keynote Speaker

BASIC
SMALL HUMAN EMPLOYEE
10.0
SEC
▸ Permanently gain +10 Valuation.
▸ Fast Track an adjacent Employee 1s.
Buzzword
Synergized
Synergized
▸ At the start of battle, Profit 10.
Keywords
Profit
Restores your Cash, up to your Valuation.
Fast Track
Instantly advances an asset's progress toward acting.
◆ 8 Funding
Full Dossier →
Animal Lover
+

Animal Lover

PLUS
SMALL HUMAN EMPLOYEE
6.0
SEC
▸ Gain 20 Moat for every Animal you have.
Keywords
Moat
Absorbs Loss before your Cash is touched. Debt and Scandal go through it.
◆ 35 Funding
Full Dossier →
Pink Elephant

Pink Elephant

BASIC
MEDIUM ANIMAL
6.0
SEC
▸ Gain 60 Moat.
▸ Gain 5 Scandal.
Keywords
Moat
Absorbs Loss before your Cash is touched. Debt and Scandal go through it.
Scandal
Fast recurring Loss that ignores Moat — but it blows over.
◆ 27 Funding
Full Dossier →
Early Adopter
⚡
Agile

Early Adopter

BASIC
SMALL HUMAN
10.0
SEC
▸ Permanently gain +8 Valuation.
Buzzword
Agile
Agile
▸ 10% faster.
◆ 8 Funding
Full Dossier →
Viral Post

Viral Post

BASIC
SMALL SCHEME
6.0
SEC
▸ Inflict 18 Loss.
▸ Windfall 30%.
Keywords
Loss
Reduces the rival's Cash. Absorbed by Moat first.
Windfall
Chance for an asset to inflict double Loss, Profit, Revenue, Moat, Debt, and Scandal when it acts.
◆ 7 Funding
Full Dossier →
Policies
Quality Assurance

Quality Assurance

POLICY
▸ When one of your assets is Liquidated, gain 100 Moat.
Keywords
Moat
Absorbs Loss before your Cash is touched. Debt and Scandal go through it.
Liquidate
Removed for the rest of the battle.
Inspect Directive Dossier →
◆ 90 Funding
Austerity Measures

Austerity Measures

POLICY
▸ Start each battle with 100 Moat.
▸ Your assets Profit 5 less.
Keywords
Profit
Restores your Cash, up to your Valuation.
Moat
Absorbs Loss before your Cash is touched. Debt and Scandal go through it.
Inspect Directive Dossier →
◆ 37 Funding
Grassroots Growth

Grassroots Growth

POLICY
▸ After a won battle, permanently gain +1 Revenue.
Keywords
Revenue
Recurring Profit every second.
Inspect Directive Dossier →
◆ 55 Funding
Underdog

Underdog

POLICY
▸ While behind on Cash, your assets work 3% faster.
Inspect Directive Dossier →
◆ 80 Funding
Recurring Revenue

Recurring Revenue

POLICY
▸ Permanently gain +1 Revenue.
Keywords
Revenue
Recurring Profit every second.
Inspect Directive Dossier →
◆ 110 Funding

Exhibit / Corporate Fingerprint

Company DNA

Composition of the final board

5 types
One corporate identity
  • Human ×5
    Human / 5 assets
    • Volunteer
    • In-House Counsel
    • Keynote Speaker
    • Animal Lover
    • Early Adopter
  • Employee ×3
    Employee / 3 assets
    • In-House Counsel
    • Keynote Speaker
    • Animal Lover
  • Animal ×2
    Animal / 2 assets
    • Loan Shark
    • Pink Elephant
  • Service ×2
    Service / 2 assets
    • In-House Counsel
    • Loan Shark
  • Scheme ×1
    Scheme / 1 asset
    • Viral Post
Larger type · Greater presenceInspect a type to reveal its assets ↗