MARKET: +14.2% ▲ ALL-TIME HIGH MOM & POP: MOAT AT ATH ($840 Moat Absorbing) SCRAPPY: +38.5% ▲ 42x Unpaid Interns Leveraged SERGEI: +21.0% ▲ 10,000 Bot Workers Deployed BARON: -3.1% ▼ Injunction Overruled by Cayman Court AMAZOFF: -12.8% ▼ Liquidated in Year 4 SEC STATUS: 0 SUBPOENAS FILED (COMPLIANCE WAIVED) CRASH WARNING: T-30s TICK COMMENCING MARKET: +14.2% ▲ ALL-TIME HIGH MOM & POP: MOAT AT ATH ($840 Moat Absorbing) SCRAPPY: +38.5% ▲ 42x Unpaid Interns Leveraged SERGEI: +21.0% ▲ 10,000 Bot Workers Deployed BARON: -3.1% ▼ Injunction Overruled by Cayman Court AMAZOFF: -12.8% ▼ Liquidated in Year 4
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Bankruptcy Filed

Coffee Shop Squatters

Founder: Baron • Closed: Fiscal Year 4 • Build: 1.0.0CONTENT 30DEE960 • Filed: September 10, 2026 at 22:48 UTC
Final Valuation
$925
Final Liquid Funding
$84
Fiscal Review Record
1 Wins / 3 Setbacks

Executive Lineup (Board)

⇈ 1
Patent Portfolio

Patent Portfolio

BASIC
SMALL PROPERTY SCHEME
10.0
SEC
Permanently gain +10 Valuation.
Gain 1 Revenue.
Revenue
Recurring Profit every second.
▲ 400
Dividends

Dividends

BASIC
SMALL SCHEME
6.0
SEC
Profit 400% of your Revenue.
Revenue
Recurring Profit every second.
Profit
Restores your Cash, up to your Valuation.
⇈ 5
Old Money

Old Money

BASIC
MEDIUM PROPERTY
5.0
SEC
Gain 5 Revenue.
Revenue
Recurring Profit every second.
▲ 45
Compound Interest

Compound Interest

BASIC
SMALL SCHEME
8.0
SEC
Profit 45.
Adjacent assets grant +1 Revenue.
Revenue
Recurring Profit every second.
Profit
Restores your Cash, up to your Valuation.
▲ 30
Oil Well
✦ MVP ✦

Oil Well

BASIC
LARGE PROPERTY
4.0
SEC
Permanently gain +40 Valuation.
Profit 30.
Profit
Restores your Cash, up to your Valuation.
#8
#9

Enacted Corporate Policies

Fortified
#1
POLICY
Your assets grant 25% more Moat.
Moat
Absorbs Loss before your Cash is touched. Debt and Scandal go through it.
Quality Assurance
#2
When one of your assets is Liquidated, gain 60 Moat.
Moat
Absorbs Loss before your Cash is touched. Debt and Scandal go through it.
Liquidate
Removed for the rest of the battle.
Old Money Rules
#3
Start each battle with 100 Moat.
Moat
Absorbs Loss before your Cash is touched. Debt and Scandal go through it.
Austerity Measures
#4
Start each battle with 60 Moat.
Your assets Profit 5 less.
Profit
Restores your Cash, up to your Valuation.
Moat
Absorbs Loss before your Cash is touched. Debt and Scandal go through it.
POLICY SLOT
#5
POLICY SLOT
#6
POLICY SLOT
#7
POLICY SLOT
#8

Fiscal Growth Timeline

INSOLVENCY FILED
Cumulative Wins
Cumulative Losses
Bankruptcy Limit (3)
Conceded 3 fatal setbacks by Fiscal Year 4, triggering mandatory corporate bankruptcy.
FINAL OUTCOME FISCAL YEAR 4 $925 VALUATION 1 Wins / 3 Setbacks
0 Baseline 2 ▲ 3 BANKRUPTCY 4 6 ★ 8 DOMINATION Yr 1 $170 Fiscal Year 1: 1 Wins, 0 Setbacks, $170 Valuation Yr 2 $220 Fiscal Year 2: 1 Wins, 1 Setbacks, $220 Valuation Yr 3 $340 Fiscal Year 3: 1 Wins, 2 Setbacks, $340 Valuation Yr 4 $925 Fiscal Year 4: 1 Wins, 3 Setbacks, $925 Valuation
Audit Raw Fiscal Records (Tabular Breakdown)
Fiscal Year Closing Valuation Cumulative Wins Cumulative Setbacks Status
Year 1 $170 1 0 Stable
Year 2 $220 1 1 Setback
Year 3 $340 1 2 1 Strike Left
Year 4 $925 1 3 Bankrupt

Ongoing Boardroom Performance

At each year-end, an audit snapshot of Coffee Shop Squatters is filed to challenge rival corporate executives during their End-of-Year Showdowns.

Showdown Record
1W / 2L
3 battles fought as rival board
Board Win Rate
33.3%
1 rival repelled
Active Board Snapshots
4 Filings
Years 1 through 4

Annual Boardroom Snapshots

Historical portfolio audits captured at the conclusion of each fiscal year.

4 Years Archived
YEAR 1 $170 0W - 0S
Assets
Pitchman
+

Pitchman

PLUS
SMALL HUMAN EMPLOYEE SERVICE
6.0
SEC
Inflict 28 Loss.
Profit 20.
Windfall 20%.
Profit
Restores your Cash, up to your Valuation.
Loss
Reduces the rival's Cash. Absorbed by Moat first.
Windfall
Chance for an activation to inflict double Loss, Profit, Revenue, Moat, Debt, and Scandal.
Nepo Baby
+

Nepo Baby

PLUS
SMALL HUMAN
3.0
SEC
Fast Track an adjacent Human 0.
15s.
Profit 20.
Profit
Restores your Cash, up to your Valuation.
Fast Track
Instantly advances an asset's progress toward acting.
Graphic Designer

Graphic Designer

BASIC
SMALL HUMAN EMPLOYEE
7.0
SEC
Gain 20 Moat.
When you use an adjacent Employee, gain 10 Moat.
Moat
Absorbs Loss before your Cash is touched. Debt and Scandal go through it.
Consultant

Consultant

BASIC
SMALL HUMAN EMPLOYEE SERVICE
5.0
SEC
Inflict 40 Loss.
Loss
Reduces the rival's Cash. Absorbed by Moat first.
YEAR 2 $220 1W - 0S
Assets
Pitchman
+

Pitchman

PLUS
SMALL HUMAN EMPLOYEE SERVICE
6.0
SEC
Inflict 28 Loss.
Profit 20.
Windfall 20%.
Profit
Restores your Cash, up to your Valuation.
Loss
Reduces the rival's Cash. Absorbed by Moat first.
Windfall
Chance for an activation to inflict double Loss, Profit, Revenue, Moat, Debt, and Scandal.
Nepo Baby
+

Nepo Baby

PLUS
SMALL HUMAN
3.0
SEC
Fast Track an adjacent Human 0.
15s.
Profit 20.
Profit
Restores your Cash, up to your Valuation.
Fast Track
Instantly advances an asset's progress toward acting.
Graphic Designer

Graphic Designer

BASIC
SMALL HUMAN EMPLOYEE
7.0
SEC
Gain 20 Moat.
When you use an adjacent Employee, gain 10 Moat.
Moat
Absorbs Loss before your Cash is touched. Debt and Scandal go through it.
Consultant

Consultant

BASIC
SMALL HUMAN EMPLOYEE SERVICE
5.0
SEC
Inflict 40 Loss.
Loss
Reduces the rival's Cash. Absorbed by Moat first.
War Chest

War Chest

BASIC
MEDIUM PROPERTY
9.0
SEC
Inflict 12 Loss, plus Loss equal to 40% of your Moat.
Loss
Reduces the rival's Cash. Absorbed by Moat first.
Moat
Absorbs Loss before your Cash is touched. Debt and Scandal go through it.
Policies
Fortified
POLICY
Your assets grant 25% more Moat.
Moat
Absorbs Loss before your Cash is touched. Debt and Scandal go through it.
Quality Assurance
When one of your assets is Liquidated, gain 60 Moat.
Moat
Absorbs Loss before your Cash is touched. Debt and Scandal go through it.
Liquidate
Removed for the rest of the battle.
YEAR 3 $280 1W - 1S
Assets
Old Money

Old Money

BASIC
MEDIUM PROPERTY
5.0
SEC
Gain 5 Revenue.
Revenue
Recurring Profit every second.
Dividends

Dividends

BASIC
SMALL SCHEME
6.0
SEC
Profit 400% of your Revenue.
Revenue
Recurring Profit every second.
Profit
Restores your Cash, up to your Valuation.
Patent Portfolio

Patent Portfolio

BASIC
SMALL PROPERTY SCHEME
10.0
SEC
Permanently gain +10 Valuation.
Gain 1 Revenue.
Revenue
Recurring Profit every second.
Accountant

Accountant

BASIC
SMALL HUMAN EMPLOYEE
3.0
SEC
Gain 1 Revenue.
Remove 4 Debt.
Revenue
Recurring Profit every second.
Debt
Recurring Loss that ignores Moat and never goes away on its own.
Chief Storyteller

Chief Storyteller

BASIC
SMALL HUMAN EMPLOYEE
10.0
SEC
Permanently gain +10 Valuation.
Gain 8 Moat.
Moat
Absorbs Loss before your Cash is touched. Debt and Scandal go through it.
Policies
Fortified
POLICY
Your assets grant 25% more Moat.
Moat
Absorbs Loss before your Cash is touched. Debt and Scandal go through it.
Quality Assurance
When one of your assets is Liquidated, gain 60 Moat.
Moat
Absorbs Loss before your Cash is touched. Debt and Scandal go through it.
Liquidate
Removed for the rest of the battle.
Old Money Rules
Start each battle with 100 Moat.
Moat
Absorbs Loss before your Cash is touched. Debt and Scandal go through it.
YEAR 4 $510 1W - 2S
Assets
Patent Portfolio

Patent Portfolio

BASIC
SMALL PROPERTY SCHEME
10.0
SEC
Permanently gain +10 Valuation.
Gain 1 Revenue.
Revenue
Recurring Profit every second.
Dividends

Dividends

BASIC
SMALL SCHEME
6.0
SEC
Profit 400% of your Revenue.
Revenue
Recurring Profit every second.
Profit
Restores your Cash, up to your Valuation.
Old Money

Old Money

BASIC
MEDIUM PROPERTY
5.0
SEC
Gain 5 Revenue.
Revenue
Recurring Profit every second.
Compound Interest

Compound Interest

BASIC
SMALL SCHEME
8.0
SEC
Profit 45.
Adjacent assets grant +1 Revenue.
Revenue
Recurring Profit every second.
Profit
Restores your Cash, up to your Valuation.
Oil Well

Oil Well

BASIC
LARGE PROPERTY
4.0
SEC
Permanently gain +40 Valuation.
Profit 30.
Profit
Restores your Cash, up to your Valuation.
Policies
Fortified
POLICY
Your assets grant 25% more Moat.
Moat
Absorbs Loss before your Cash is touched. Debt and Scandal go through it.
Quality Assurance
When one of your assets is Liquidated, gain 60 Moat.
Moat
Absorbs Loss before your Cash is touched. Debt and Scandal go through it.
Liquidate
Removed for the rest of the battle.
Old Money Rules
Start each battle with 100 Moat.
Moat
Absorbs Loss before your Cash is touched. Debt and Scandal go through it.
Austerity Measures
Start each battle with 60 Moat.
Your assets Profit 5 less.
Profit
Restores your Cash, up to your Valuation.
Moat
Absorbs Loss before your Cash is touched. Debt and Scandal go through it.